Drowning

There are so many times as a parent that I feel like I am drowning.  I constantly think about Jim Gaffigan and his stand ups about having 4 children (and I have two more).  He says "Imagine you're drowning, then someone hands you a baby." I feel like that a lot of days. 

Last week was a rough week. I struggled in so many ways.  I just felt out of it constantly, and so easily frustrated.  I couldn't wake up in the morning, and I was going to bed at 9pm most nights.  I couldn't even force myself to exercise.  Everything made me angry.  I felt like my kids were out to get me, not listening on purpose, my husband didn't care how I felt.  Was any of that true? Of course not.  I have the best husband in the world that cares about me deeply and would do anything for me.  I know that my kids love me, but just have mom deafness (still trying to work on that).  In my logical brain, I know that.  My emotional brain it is a lot harder to convince. 

By Friday, I had just about had it.  I was ready to give in and throw in the towel.  We had planned to go down to Oklahoma City and attend the LDS temple.  I wanted to go.  It had been so long since we have been able to go. I got things together as it is would be at least a 6 hour round trip, but I did it begrudgingly.  The morning of was still stressful, and I still didn't feel up to par emotionally.  But I did it, and we went.

It wasn't until we were in the middle of the session at the temple that I truly felt the spirit.  As I got into the celestial room the spirit was so strong. 

The celestial room in the temple is a very special sacred place.  It is a symbol of the peace we can receive by living the gospel of Jesus Christ.  The spirit of the Lord is always so strong in there.  It is a place that I never want to leave.  And a place that I always learn something new about myself.

I know I have a long way to go, and I have a lot that I need to improve on, but I didn't come away from the temple feeling overwhelmed or out of control as I had the past week.  I felt uplifted.  I knew that the Lord was on MY side and was there to help me when I need it.  But I also know that it will not be easy.  There will still be days when I want to quit.  There will still be times that I feel overwhelmed, probably frequently.  It will never be easy, but it will be possible...as long as I can lean on Him and not try to do it all by myself.